Adams and Eves
by Schizoid Sprite
Summary: --"After God created the world, He made man and woman. Then, to keep the whole thing from collapsing, He invented humor." Humor/friendship ficlets written for 5sentence-fics comm at LJ. Latest installment is 'I'm a Hero', Heero/Odin
1. The Other Guy

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and all its characters © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and TV Asahi. All fics are not for profit. The quote at the summary of this fic is from Bill Kelly.

**A/N: **These drabbles are written for another livejournal writing community called fivesentence_fics. The drabbles should have five sentences each (thus the name of the comm *snorts*) and are written with a given prompt. First five ficlets down: twenty to go! Yaay! *is enjoying exercising brevity*

Words in parentheses are the prompts; the first ficlet is 1+R. If you've watched the series until the last minutes of episode 49, you'll get this. XD

* * *

**The Other Guy **(Override)

* * *

_Oh, so the rumors had finally reached him,_ Relena thought slyly, noting the little earthquake in the coffee cup that Heero held. "Yes, I do sleep with him—in my office and at home—and I have to say I'm very grateful that you introduced him to me."

Her lips twisted up into a toothy smile when he flashed an astonished expression, and for the first time in a long time she felt accomplished that she managed to shock him again.

"Oh," she crooned, "you don't know how he missed you, Heero—after you left him on that plane seat for my sixteenth birthday, he told me that you deserved castigation harder than having your card for me ripped in front of your face."

He was baffled at first, and when Relena brought the 'other guy' out for them to have a little reunion, he couldn't help but give a short gulp of laugh and a mock punch at the stuffed toy's tummy.

* * *


	2. Bathroom Noises

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and all its characters © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and TV Asahi. All fics are not for profit.

**A/N:** Now, on to the 2+H ficlet! (hee! I'd like to maintain uniform chappy patterns, so you're going to see Disclaimers and Author's notes till the last page, no matter how unnecessary. *is crazy*)

* * *

**Bathroom Noises **(Hot Water)

* * *

She could hear Duo's moans from the other side of the bathroom wall, the loud splashes of water in a tub that suggested it has more than one occupant, and—to her greatest horror—feminine sighs and giggles.

Hilde barely heard the two quick raps at the door, and with her eyes stinging with tears and soap bubbles, she threatened whoever the knocker was to get the hell away from her and use his own room's loo.

"Uh, Hilde, it's me," came Duo's voice, "I'm just wondering if I can use your bathroom when you're done? Mine doesn't have any kind of tub, and the shower valve's screwed up."

It took Hilde a moment to answer, and with a bright scarlet smearing her cheeks and neck, she stared hard at the still 'noisy' wall and spattered water across its tiled surface.

* * *


	3. Culinary Mishap

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and all its characters © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and TV Asahi. All fics are not for profit.

**

* * *

**

**Culinary Mishap** (Oasis)

* * *

Catherine has been replaying the recorded tape of last week's episode of that cooking show—_Oasis: Flavours of the East_—for three straight nights now, and not one living thing that ever stepped into her trailer's kitchenette ever liked it. It was true that Trowa could make his face incredibly impassive—much to everyone's awe—while his sister turned him into a taste test machine, but frying his tongue permanently useless was definitely not in his plans. So when Catherine served him her twelfth try at perfecting the nasty-smelling liquid she called pumpkin porridge, Trowa launched his mission: impossible for the night—an attempt to erase _all _of her culinary interest and transfer the kitchen to someone else's hands.

"Catherine," he said offhandedly, letting his face convolute in disgust for the first time after swallowing a scoop of the food, "has anyone ever told you that the only kitchen utensil that you're very good at handling is the knife?"

Catherine picked up the implication easily, and when Trowa felt the palm of her hand smash across his cheek, he had to make sure that he hadn't lost his memories again.

* * *

**A/N:** Random trivia: 'Flavours of the East' is a name of a real restaurant. XD


	4. Fairy Floss

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and all its characters © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and TV Asahi. All fics are not for profit.

**A/N:** OMG! My favorite couple! *squeeeee*

* * *

**Fairyfloss **(Illusion of Control)

* * *

Since the day he mastered the Zero system, Quatre could see people's auras clearer than before: Heero's was a nimbus of yellow electric-like projections, Relena wears a crown of white light with bluish comet-shaped sparks, and on Trowa's head was a halo of mint green glow with occasional white specks. He could see everyone else's personality and emotions in their 'light hats', but for some reason, he could never see his own.

Once when he attended a charity luncheon, he caught sight of a fulgent cotton candy glow floating amidst the sea of unwholesome politician haloes—and was shocked for not being shocked at all when he found out that it was hovering over Dorothy Catalonia's head.

He invited her to the dance floor, and while they waltzed he couldn't help but notice that she was staring intently at something over his head.

"Cotton candy pink," she snorted disdainfully, and suddenly he remembered that Dorothy, too, has mastered controlling the Zero system before.

* * *

_Additional A/N:_ Okay, don't kill me, this is just an experimentation. I thought of adding some 'spice' to Quatre's Space Heart and Newtype-y-ness by giving him the ability to see people's auras and having it intensified after mastering the ZERO system. While Dorothy doesn't have any kind of space heart, I thought the ZERO system should be enough to trigger the same effect on her. :P

Okay. Hit the 'next' button now. :)


	5. Ego Wall

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and all its characters © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and TV Asahi. All fics are not for profit.

* * *

**Ego Wall** (Tag Team)

* * *

"I wonder why you never told me anything about this," Sally cheerily mused as she stared up at Wufei's "ego wall", the vast white space heavily festooned with oversized medals, laminated certificates and awards, and some framed photographs that feature the brunette Chinese with his masters and teachers.

Wufei shrugged, "I just don't feel the need to chatter about my 'braggables' to my partner. It might affect our tag-teaming strategy—it's not very easy to establish it with a woman like you."

Sally chuckled at the frank statement as she lifted her teacup and said, "A toast for humility, honesty, and...integrity."

"I'd drink to that," Wufei snickered, raising his own cup to hers.

* * *

_A/N:_ This will be a series of twenty-five ficlets. While the first five seem to be focused on het couples, the rest won't. Do expect some humor! Hope you enjoyed them! XD


	6. Mourning Sickness

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and all its characters © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and TV Asahi. All fics are not for profit.

**A/N:** Back with another microfic, now inspired by 'Meteor Garden'. This one's set sometime after Heero fainted in Relena's arms in Endless Waltz.

* * *

**Mourning Sickness** (Flat Line)

* * *

The steady beeping of the cardiograph was the only sound that Relena heard when she barged into Heero's room.

A scalding wetness swaddled her eyeballs as she shifted them disbelievingly from the glowing flat line to the blanketed figure on the hospital bed; Quatre and Duo watched her somberly from the other side of the room, shaking their heads when she flashed an unnecessary question on her face.

She managed to keep the tears at bay while pulling the blanket down with deliberate slowness, but when she was finally able to take a close, good look at Heero's bruised but tranquil face, she suddenly broke into uncontrollable sobs; she started to blather crestfallenly, pounding her fists on his chest and begging him to 'Come, back, Heero!' and 'live!'.

She was like that for about ten minutes and she only stopped, turning pallid in confusion and shock, when the supposedly dead man in front of her began to cough and threw her a _what-on-earth-are-you-talking-about _stare. After hearing Duo's booming chuckle and seeing Quatre hide his giggles behind a fist, she gave the now sneering patient a not-so-light swat across the bandaged area of his torso and stomped embarrassedly out of the room, a stain darker than her blush-on scattering on her cheeks.

* * *

_Additional A/N:_ The third paragraph is probably the most clichéd crying-in-the-hospital scene—a different and more literal version of mourning sickness_, _as I prefer to call it—in almost all movies that I've watched before. Hee, I think it'll be cute if Relena'll do that! XD

And oh, I cheated. I planned on posting a Noin-Zechs ficlet after the Sally-Wufei one, but the 6+9 muse's kinda avoiding me lately. XD Milly and Lu will have one in the future, be assured. Have a good day everyone!


	7. The Plumber

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and all its characters © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and TV Asahi. All fics are not for profit.

**A/N:** Somewhere between the ficlets I will publish 'mini sequels' to the previous posts in this collection. This one is a response to snakewhissperer's questions (back in LJ): 'who the people behind the bathroom wall are' and if 'Hilde, as a friend, will help Duo fix his shower'. And since this is technically not an entry for the writing comm, it will contain more than five sentences (yeah, I cheated again!); the remaining and 'official' ficlets, however, will have a uniform five-sentence pattern.

It seems like not everybody understands _Bathroom Noises_ so here's its mini sequel. My OOC alert's going off, so watch out. XD

* * *

**Interlude I:** The Plumber

* * *

Hilde, face still glowing scarlet, emerged from the bathroom with a towel around her torso. Duo's curiosity piqued considerably but he didn't bother asking her: if she wanted to tell him something, she would have done so already. They waited for each other to say anything, and both jumped when metallic clanking shattered the awkward silence.

"What's that?" Hilde asked warily.

"Ah, it's Heero jack-of-all-trades Yuy," Duo quipped, shrugging. "He checked in this afternoon, his room just next to yours. He heard there's something wrong with my shower and being the blowhard and know-it-all that he is, he volunteered to fix it."

Hilde froze. "H-he stayed next to my room?"

Duo cocked a nod and chuckled. "Yeah. I think I won't be using your bathroom now…the plumber won't be pleased if I pay his services with ungratefulness."

"Did he check in with anyone?"

Duo arched a brow. "Huh? Why? I don't know, but I think I saw Lena hurrying out minutes ago…"

* * *

_Additional A/N:_ I hope it answered everyone's question. Now, checking out the reviews: PinkStriped Flamingo (at LJ) wondered who spread the rumors that Relena is sleeping with another guy; Honourable Fool asked if Heero can also see auras because he mastered the ZERO system as well; Xardion mused if Trowa has plan B; Patois wondered what Dorothy's reaction will be if she discovers her aura is also pink; Mistress Amethyst Une expressed her liking to see more psychic connections between Dorothy and Quatre, and to see a Milliardo-Relena microfic.

Okay, since you're all too kind to even drop a comment and for laughing at what I thought is a bleak sense of humor, I'll...humor you all and create mini-sequels to all of this. :) You've given me all the prompts, thank you! If someone else is wondering about something that happened in the previous ficlets, let me know! Also, bunches of thanks to PimpMasta Popo, Aja-Golde, Silver-coloured Ink, and those plenty others who silently subscribed to this collection, for the motivation. Do stick with me and my craziness!


	8. A Way to Adam's Heart

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and all its characters © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and TV Asahi. All fics are not for profit.

* * *

**A Way to Adam's Heart** (Impulse)

* * *

"Catherine told me you believe in _that_ saying," Quatre said after swallowing a spoonful of oyster soup Dorothy grudgingly prepared for him, grinning in a suspiciously droll way.

"I do believe that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach," Dorothy mocked, "but I think it'll only be true if you aim the knife upward."

"Miss Dorothy," he chuckled, absently rubbing the scar on his side, "I don't exactly appreciate your desire to skewer me again, but honestly I can't help but get flattered; Catherine said this is the recipe you used."

She was pretty positive that she or Catherine didn't follow any sort of recipe that morning, so she read the paper that he handed her with a pucker between her brows; her face soon glowed from a bright shade of magenta to a very shocked pallor, and instinctively she grabbed a wire whisk from the nearest cupboard, clumsily whirling around when the high-pitched laughter of a circus girl from the trailer's kitchenette filled the air.

"You can't stab anyone with that thing," Quatre giggled convulsively before she vanished behind the mini-dining room door, folding the fake aphrodisiac recipe printout into a paper plane, hearing the room once called 'kitchen' turn into 'hell'.

* * *

_A/N:_ A Quatre-Catherine conspiracy will always be adorably mischievous...but a bristling!Dorothy can be a walking inferno. Hee! They say oyster's an aphrodisiac, right? Of course it's going to be a soup, because Catherine is still replaying that video tape from the cooking show.....

Anyhoo, thanks for reviewing! I initially planned to post a Relena-Quatre ficlet for today (PinkStriped-Flamingo's request), but because I think it sucks I have to polish it some more. On Sunday, we'll have _An Earful from Little Eve: Wufei and Mariemaia_.


	9. An Earful from Little Eve

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and all its characters © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and TV Asahi. All fics are not for profit.

**A/N:** *crunches knuckles* So let's borrow little Maia from EW. Expect OOC (that's two in a row!).

* * *

**An Earful from Little Eve **(Out to Play)

* * *

"History is sometimes just a means of denying the past," Wufei explained coldly, "and if you deny the past, you refuse to recognize its integrity. What you're doing now is fitting it, shaping it for it to look the way you think it should—and you know it's not just."

"You're the worst loser in history, Chang Wufei," Mariemaia responded with a smirk and a roll of her eyes, "and I reiterate that I'm not _denying_ the past because I always acknowledge it when I lose to you! It must be a stupid excuse, but maybe if you said that the joystick's broken I might have believed you; now if you'll excuse me, I'm going out to play golf with Miss Po."

Wufei stared unperturbed as if he didn't hear her, bent to pick up the joystick he used—and bristled upon realizing that the wicked little devil had tinkered with it to make him lose the RPG battle, for the first time, that afternoon.

* * *

_Additional A/N:_ I love scholar!Wufei. Who doesn't?

For those who're interested, I have another humor ficlets collection-in-progress entitled _Mars and Venus_ (it's formerly called _Squalor_ but I changed it so it'll be more like a real counterpart of _Adams and Eves_). They contain longer ficlets, but none that should devour all your time in the world. Three ficlets are already up: a Wufei-Noin, a Heero-Relena, and a Quatre-Dorothy.

On Tuesday we'll have _'Joke-of-all-Trades: Heero, Duo, and Trowa'_.


	10. Joke of All Trades

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and all its characters © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and TV Asahi. All fics are not for profit.

* * *

**Joke-of-all-trades** (Change of Hands)

* * *

Heero snickered amusedly as he watched how Duo attempted to make Trowa laugh with his usual hackneyed japes: if the poison reaches its expiration date, is it still poisonous? If a cockroach falls into a bucket of soapy water, does the water gets dirty or the cockroach gets clean?

"_Tempus _has _fugited_," he declared risibly to the now semi-flustered Duo, "it's my turn."

Duo shuffled diffidently to make space for the Japanese, who even before taking his seat asked, "Why does self-destructing hurt like hell?"

Silence succeeded at first, and when Trowa suddenly gave a satisfyingly loud cackle as an answer, Duo tore out of the room while muttering something about cold-blooded clowns with very weird sense of humor.

* * *

_A/N:_ Heee! I feel for Duo; I really hope I can find _something_ funny in Heero's classic joke._ Tempus Fugit_ means 'Time Flies' in Latin. Trust me, I don't know what Heero's problem is here to screw up the term. PinkStriped-Flamingo and Yume Girl 91, the Quatre-Relena ficlet that I planned on posting here somehow turned into a one-shot. :) It's either I'm going to post it on 'Mars and Venus' or on its own. I still have to retouch it. :)

Next ficlet is _Morning Routine: Rashid and the Maguanacs_.


	11. Morning Routine

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and all its characters © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and TV Asahi. All fics are not for profit.

* * *

**Morning Routine** (Unlimited)

* * *

"Excuse me Captain," Auda called almost sheepishly from the doorway, "Master Quatre sent you a package and he said you should see it ASAP."

Rashid glowered at the maguanac's reflection in the mirror before grudgingly turning the buzzing razor off, clicking his tongue. His shaving had been interrupted more than four times that morning...like every morning of the past two weeks. Heaving a heavy breath, he followed the silently apologetic Auda while wondering if this was a sign that he should now grow a moustache.

The headquarters then burst with hoots and guffaws when Rashid opened the giant package to reveal an 'unlimited' supply of shaving cream.

* * *

_A/N:_ Is it only me who thinks that Rashid needs to shave? XD I'm still working on the 4xR fic (it's my first, so I don't want to post it yet unless I think it's perfectly _believable_). I'm not aware that this alternative pairing has a lot of fans out there!

Next ficlet: _.90 Caliber Pistol: Heero and Sylvia_


	12. 90 Caliber Pistol

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and all its characters © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and TV Asahi. All fics are not for profit.

**A/N:** Today, let's pull a kickass!babe from episode 14 and throw her in a box with a certain Heero Yuy in it. :)

* * *

**.90 Caliber** **Pistol** (RSVP)

* * *

After almost three years, the first thing that Sylvia Noventa ever did when she crossed paths with Heero Yuy again was point a gun to his head. It all happened in a heartbeat: Heero didn't even flinch when she fired without hesitation, the bullet ripped through the air—

—then ricocheted onto the ground with a plastic clatter after it hit his forehead. Sylvia jokingly blew the nonexistent smoke at the muzzle and left without a sound bite, and only when Heero picked up the bullet did he learn that it was actually a USB flash drive.

The first letters that flashed across the screen when he opened the lone file in it were 'RSVP'.

He sat in front of the computer for a score of slow breaths, eyes crawling to read the elegantly embellished message; when he finally stood up, he was thinking about what to do if he couldn't rip a birthday invitation in front of the very celebrant who gave it to him.

* * *

_Additional A/N:_ Heee! I know that there's no such thing as a .90 pistol, but I couldn't resist it when I think of Sylvia Noventa and that little graveyard scene. XD I love the girl; I just wished she had more screen time. :)


	13. Miss the Bullseye

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and all its characters © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and TV Asahi. All fics are not for profit.

**A/N:** Something to post before I go to school! Sequel to "Mourning Sickness".

* * *

**INTERLUDE 2:** Miss the Bullseye

* * *

She didn't even suspect if it was another prank.

When Duo informed her that Heero was gone, she immediately left the conference hall in the middle of her speech and piloted a private jet all by herself just to get back to the hospital in the shortest possible time. When she arrived, the receptionist has to squint just to check if she really was Vice Foreign Minister Relena Darlian. With her ponytail askew and her office suit crumpled by panic-induced hurry, she looked no different from a woman that wouldn't normally pass a discriminating hospital's 'wallet biopsy'.

She burst into Heero's room in a fashion reminiscent of her same entrance that morning. Heero's bed was empty, and she didn't stay long enough to hear Quatre explain when she turned around and broke into a run. Directionless as she was, she kept on running, and only stopped when her chest started to hurt. She breathed in and looked up, realizing she was in the garden.

He was there, sprawled on grasses.

"Heero?" She walked up to him.

He didn't even stir, but the gentle rising and falling of his chest and the slight smile playing on his lips told her he was okay. With a smile of her own, she lowered her head to give him a kiss. She would have placed it on his lips, but the slight twitching of his eyebrow and the sudden change in his breathing's pattern made her plant the touch just to the side of his mouth.

Chuckling, she prepared to stand up—only to be pulled back by a hand on her wrist.

"Darn it, Relena," Heero said sleepily but nefariously. "You missed."

And he pulled her down in one swift move, their lips fused together for some seconds. Relena realized that being a prank victim, if this one was actually a prank, was not as bad as she previously thought.

* * *

PSA/N: Be posting a 4xD later! Offline commitments are getting a lot complicated, but I still occasionally go here to read and post stuff---it's a great stress-reliever. On an unrelated note, my favorite story here, _Revelations_ by Isis cw, has been updated. Hurrah! It's the best 4xD novel I've ever read. Go check it out!


	14. In Another World

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and all its characters © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and TV Asahi. All fics are not for profit.

* * *

**In Another World** (Lost and Alone)

* * *

The ground was red instead of green and the grasses were gone; the sun was enclosed in a multi-tiered glass spaceship with peculiar dangling embellishments he remembered seeing in one of his sisters' jewelry box. The buildings were wooden and varnished, their floor-to-ceiling windows blocked by rows and rows of rectangular lockers and file cabinets with letters running vertically on them.

Six-year-old Quatre sobbed against the balls of his fists, realizing that he was lost and alone—_again_—in another world.

A crashing sound made him jump, and there, emerging like a superheroine from the alien door, was a familiar face he was glad to see at the moment.

"I found him, father," Iria shouted at someone outside, panting and smiling at the little boy, "Quatre's just here in the library."

* * *

**A/N:**I've always thought the Winner Mansion can make a lost little Quatre feel like Alice in Wonderland. XD

Anyway, I just updated to let you know I'm not yet dead. :P My long absence is due to the fact that I'm overloaded with major subjects this sem AND our laptop needed repairing. At any rate, I've typed additional chapters for this so I'll just go to internet cafes and post them (btw, latest chapter to Scissored Kismets is long done, but I still think I need a beta before I post it. Anyone....?).

Next posts (except Interludes) will feature kid!characters.


	15. I'm a Hero

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and all its characters © Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and TV Asahi. All fics are not for profit.

* * *

**I'm a Hero** (Just Do It)

* * *

"Okay," the man sighed when the boy didn't move and just stomped his foot on the splinters scattered around the site, "you can save him, but you can't bring him with us. Remember kid, we're on a mission."

The boy's eyes lit up at his mentor's decision and he quickly rushed to pull the only "victim" from under the rubble, carrying it to the sidewalk where he thought it would be safe.

"I'm proud of you, kid," the man chuckled as the boy scuttled back to him, "you're a hero."

The kid glanced back at the victim—a patched, coffee brown teddy bear—before marching on with a smile, realizing that he liked being called a hero.


End file.
